My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
