I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
