My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
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Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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