its not stalking. its research.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
