I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
