Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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