just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's rum buckets o'clock
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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