Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
