Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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