Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
