nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I could make wine with my vomit
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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