if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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