There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
