I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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