Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
