I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
