oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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