he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
