She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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