My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
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All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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