i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
