i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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