i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
