As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
