I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
