He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
