i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
