My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
