She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Houston, we have a squirter
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
