Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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