This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
