You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
