it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
