were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize