I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
