stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
