Define "chronic" masturbator.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
