omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
