Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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