There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
