did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
