I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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