Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
