No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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