Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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