Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize