the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
