No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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