Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
