I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
