Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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