the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
