i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I supernannyed him into submission
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
