im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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