Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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