I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
