Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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