My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
