I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
