can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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