There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
